A life with Fibromyalgia

Geez, it's been nearly 2 months since my last update. I didn't even realize it! Time seems to be speeding up lately- I swear to you, 2 weeks seems like 2 days to me lately. Well, at least until this past week when the black death has decided to invade my sinuses in an attempt to both strangle and suffocate me. Typical- I'm always the first one to get sick when the seasons change. Or perhaps its penance for enjoying Halloween just a little too much. Either way, you don't even want to know about the funky stuff that's coming out of my nose right now.

I spent the rest of September visiting doctors and getting a full diagnosis. Thank god they're finally done with pumping blood out of me! I was starting to think I might as well become a blood donor or study phlebotomy so I could do it myself and save them the hassle. I was referred to a sleep specialist who wanted me to do a sleep study- and for the cost of it, I'll pass thanks. I don't sleep well unless its in my own bed anyway. The rheumatologist had a few more blood tests run and after 2 months of being wheat free my liver functions tests returned to normal and the rheumatoid arthritis tests came back negative. Apparently, a high liver functions count can give off a false positive when they test for a rheumatoid factor.

She did another physical exam, targeting the tender points for fibromyalgia and concluded that there's definitely fibro there- its not as severe as some patients, but its enough to diagnose it. She gave me a 4 week trial of cymbalta to help with the pain. Apparently, while it was originally marketed as an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety, it was found to have remarkable pain relieving qualities in fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis patients. I started taking it after a lengthy discussion with my therapist about it. The 30mg was fabulous. I felt great within a couple of days of being on it. Admittedly, my sleep patterns became a little funky, but I was able to sleep for most of the night without a problem and I had so much energy. Then they upped me to 60mg which became a nightmare. I wasn't sleeping at all. I essentially became manic. Because of the fact I wasn't sleeping, I was starting to feel depressed again. It was hell. I called the rheumatologist and told them and they said it can take up to 6 weeks to register properly in the body and to try and stay on it, at least till the 4 weeks were done. So, 3 more weeks of not sleeping, running around like a mad thing throughout the night. Greeeeeeat. I've had manic episodes before and I don't really want to ever have them again thanks. Thankfully by the end of the 4th week I was slightly starting to calm down and sleep for about an hour or two longer than I was before, but I still wasn't really sleeping much- and I was becoming absolutely exhausted throughout the day. When it came to getting a refill, I called the dr's office and requested that the refill be placed for the 30mg. We'll see how this goes. I have a follow-up appointment in December and they've asked that I try to stay on it until then, so I guess I'll at least try. If I can go back to feeling "normal" (aka- sleeping for a reasonable number of hours, being alert during the day and not being in pain) then I guess I'll stay on it, otherwise it's time to start discussing other options.

Being diagnosed with Fibro has entirely changed the way I live, just in a few short months. I have to watch everything I eat- Absolutely no wheat or gluten products at all. The up-side is that I lost 10lbs in 2 weeks just by cutting out gluten. The downside is that EVERYTHING seems to be made with gluten or wheat! I also have to miss out whenever someone brings in treats for the salon or the company awards us a pizza party for having the highest number of new clients that month. Our sale week was something close to hell for me- we usually do a potluck lunch every day since we're so busy none of us have the time to go for lunch. Everyone brought wheat and gluten laden foods all week! Even though I've explained to all of my colleagues about it, none of them really understand just how difficult it is- even when 1 in 4 americans has been diagnosed with gluten allergy or intolerance, it's still very difficult to find premade gluten free products or choices in restaurants. One of our clients is an absolute gem and brings me gluten-free homemade peanut butter chocolate chip cookies while she gives everyone else regular chocolate chip cookies. And the cymbalta's screwed up my appetite. I really only crave vegetarian foods, cookout milkshakes or breyers icecream, chobani yogurts and cajun spiced french fries these days. Not particularly healthy but not going to kill me either. Switching to a vegetarian diet is starting to sound really appealing to me but I'm not sure I could put up with being both vegetarian and gluten free for too long. A lot of vegetarian recipes call for wheat fillers to bulk them up and a lot of GF replacement products are expensive.

I've also had to learn when to stop. I don't like to stop doing something half way through, or take too many breaks- I like to keep at it until it's finished. Unfortunately though, having that kind of mindset means that I end up overexerting myself more often than not which contributes to my exhaustion. I have to eat on a schedule or else the hypoglycemia kicks in and my blood sugar drops, leaving me feeling faint, shaky, weak and almost disoriented. I hate having to quit what I'm doing so that I can eat something- I feel like I'm constantly eating! I only eat breakfast & dinner as meals which are usually 12 hrs apart but lunch is usually nibbling throughout the day, eating something small every couple of hours to keep my energy up. I have to remind myself that while I might be able to lift that 50lb box, I'll struggle with it and end up hurting a lot later because of it. A few years ago 50lbs was like a feather to me and i'm devastated I can't pick stuff up over 25-30lbs anymore. I know there's no shame in asking for help, but I'm so used to being the one that everyone always asked. It's a very humbling experience. I know that eventually, I might be able to do it again- after all, there are people with fibro who run marathons!

I haven't started exercising yet- I've been so exhausted from the way the cymbalta's been reacting with me that I come home from work and pass out for an hour before getting up and making dinner and then going back to bed again around midnight. We're also in the middle of packing up the apartment and getting ready to move in January so there's really no space anywhere for me to turn on my yoga dvd's and stretch out. I plan on really getting back into it all once the move is over- the new apartment complex has a newly refurbished gym and G's agreed to help me learn some strength training techniques to build up the muscles so that I don't feel quite so weak anymore. Fibro patients really benefit from low impact training and cardio since it keeps the muscles limber. I'm still debating whether or not to get involved in water therapy just yet... I have a horrible fear of the water. The new apartment is about 2 miles from a beautiful nature park where I can go hiking on the days I don't feel like being stuck in the gym or the apartment.

Almost everyone's been really understanding and supportive about it all. Friends ask me questions about it, and they understand if I have to cancel/reschedule our plans because I'm having a painful day or if I'm just too tired. My family encourages me to overcome it and do the best I can every day. At first, I felt like fibro was quite possibly the most devastating thing I could have- after all, it's a chronic illness that will never go away. It might get better for a little while, but it'll always get worse again eventually. It's essentially a life full of physical pain and chronic fatigue. But I've come to terms with it- yes, I'll always have it, but no, I don't have to let it control my life. I can co-exist with it. I can do the things I want to do and the things I used to do, I just have to learn to do them in moderation and screw anyone who doesn't understand that. I don't see why I can't have just as much of a fun filled, successful life as anyone else. Illnesses these days are not a death sentence and they're not a reason to be outcasted either. If you don't make a big deal about them, neither will anyone else.